For the 100th time, you pick-up your husband’s dishes from the counter, rinse them and stick them in the dishwasher. You think to yourself, “Why can’t he just make the extra effort and put them in the dishwasher?”
Every day, you find his socks next to the bed and think, “He manages to get everything else into the hamper, what’s with the socks?”
As you fix dinner, set the table, answer the phone, and deal with the kids, he calmly sits down in front of the TV with the remote in hand. You think, “I’d like to sit and wind down after a hard day too, but if I do, we won’t eat.”
Do you have a similar issue with your husband that is driving you crazy?
Even though, rationally, we know these issues are simply tiny creases in our marriage, living with them day after day, can be frustrating. Small things that didn’t bother you before, suddenly begin to grow into monumental irritants. They build-up over time, and eat away at your relationship.
How can you fix this?
In my last post, Communicate! Say What You Mean, I explained that, in order to get your needs met, you must be specific in asking for what you want. I outlined how to communicate with your husband and rules to follow in the process. However, sometimes, in spite of having done everything right , you still end up with dirty socks on the floor, dishes on the counter, and a husband with a remote in his hand.
I was so excited when my husband and I were teaching a small group marriage study (2 Becoming One by Don and Sally Meredith) and I saw that chapter 7 was titled How to Change Your Mate. Why did they waste their time writing any other chapters? This is all anyone needs, right? We can all change our mate into who we want them to be. Problem solved :-)
On the contrary, what I learned is this: You cannot change your spouse ladies, only God can. So if you are dealing with issues with your husband, the first thing you need to do is go to God in prayer.
Be sure to enter into prayer with an open heart out of love for your husband and a desire for what is best for him and your marriage. If your heart isn’t in the right place, you won’t get the results you seek.
Next, ask God to remove any bitterness or anger that you hold toward your husband. Once you let go of that, you are in the right place to make your request(s).
Be specific in your request(s). God wants to hear the details of what is on your heart.
End your prayer with quiet time, listening for God’s answers. This is crucial. If you don’t take the time to listen, changes will be slow to come. While listening, be willing to hear and accept whatever He conveys to you. My guess is you will be surprised by how He answers. You might find that, in order to strengthen your marriage, God may not change a thing about your husband. He may choose to mold you first. Trust Him to know what is best for you and your marriage, be obedient and enjoy your journey.
Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
(Jeremiah 33:3 -ESV)
…Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
(John 16:24 – NIV1984)